People & Pedestals

People & Pedestals -a lesson in owning our values

Earlier this year I had an epiphany about the responsibility I needed to take around those that influence me. The thought came out like this and I threw it on Twitter:

You can’t control who comes in and out of your life, but you can control the pedestals they stand on. #choosewisely

​I know from the onset this seems like a sad realization, but really it has helped clarify a thinking pattern that was off balance for me. I’ve learned so much from about the role I play in keeping my pedestals in place and people in place too.
Fundamentally, we need to accept people are human; not robots, God, or super heroes. Humans and are inherently flawed and thats what makes them unique and beautiful. Flawed doesn’t mean they aren’t lovely it just means, you have to allow that characteristic of imperfection to exist in your appreciation for them. Here is why…

1. Our values bond us, but equally divide us. When you share values with others, it bonds you. The same is true when you recognize where you disagree. The question is, is your importance of that value out of balance? If so, then the people standing on them will be too.
2. It takes two to tango. In an ideal relationship, trust and honest communication is critical, but both parties have to show up with their dancing shoes. You want to be influential? Communicate and listen. You want to learn…do the same.
3. Watch, then decide. You can’t label people or create expectations for their behavior before you see how they respond to mistakes and failures, or success and wins. Be a good steward of your decision making and give people time and allow for some cadence.

Well, if I can’t control the people that I allow to disappoint me, then what am I choosing? You my friend get to choose the pedestals and all their characteristics. What are our pedestals? I would say in general, our pedestals are the things we value the most in others. I’ll give you a few samples of my own professional pedestals:

1. Competency
2. Transparency
3. Unwavering Commitment
4. Domain knowledge (SME)
5. Pure Intent
6. Self Made i.e. Entrepreneurial spirit

​I’ve met lots of people who stand on all of these pedestals in my life — so many I’m thankful for (you know who you are), but know this; the higher the pedestal, the harder the fall. While you don’t control or dictate the people you meet, or who you get introduced to, and sometimes, who you work with, we do control our response to these events appropriately. What we do have some say in, is the responsibility we have to take inventory of our values and discern if they are out of balance.